Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Alan Titchmarsh and Julie Peasgood on games

To be fair, it's been some while since we had a complete fucktard pipe up and start spouting bollocks about games.

This week there were three on The Alan Titchmarsh Show.

An arse and a girl's bum

One of the bile-spewing retards on the show was Julie Peasgood. She's "completely against violence as entertainment" dontchaknow?

People on the internet, after a bit of research, found out that she'd actually featured as an actress in a pretty violent game (for the time). So she's only against violence as entertainment when it's not lining her own pockets.

Don't worry I'll put the moral high-horse back in the stable.

I thought for a while about some violent video game concepts that they might not find too fucking mind-blowing.

I came up with these:

Ian Huntley Throat Slicer

You're a bit of a geezer, you're locked up in cell block D for nicking a car radio but it was an honest mistake guv. You've been doing your time quietly but now a new bloke's moved into your cell and he's giving you a right hard-time. Get some big time rep and stop him hassling you by putting an end to the vile nonce Huntley's life.

Use any items you can get your hands on to create a shiv. Real-time throat-cutting action using the Wii remote to hack away at the vile paedo's trachea.

Command and Conquer: Immigrants

Choose from one of five recently-added EU member states and deploy your surplus workforce to the UK. Tactically position your countrymen and use their special abilities to cunningly take jobs from the indiginous population by using their special "hard-work" and "resonable-pricing" superweapons.

Each nation has its very own superweapon and tactical approach. 2011 "Our Boys" Nick Griffin expansion pack coming soon.

The Sims: House Prices

Take control of the every-day people in your neighbourhood. Influence their behaviour, get them to doing crazy things to their homes and themselves. The Sims: House Prices lets you view the effect these wacky humans of all different races have on your house price, in real time.

Immidiate link-up to the land registry database to see how your next-door neighbour's house price has also been affected. The innovative "HELP" button imediately emails your MP wth your woes.

This all sort of reminds me about the Anne Diamond thing a while back too.

No comments: