Friday, 10 December 2010

BlazBlue: Continuum Shift

So, where to start? Let's be honest, this is fucking brilliant.

I pumped a fuckton of time into SFIV but there was always something missing. Maybe it's the 3D that turned me off, maybe the slower pace or characters that didn't grab me as much as Third Strike or Street Fighter 2.

Either way, I've found my baby. I'll be posting stuff about this for a while as it's made New Vegas seem like a distant memory.

Oh and with character design like this, who can bitch and moan? It's all beautiful and plays like a dream

Mutherfuckin' Squiggles

Sexy Electric Frog Throwing Vampire (tm)

Kitty Titties

Fuck: It's been ages

Either way. BlazBlue dump coming up.

Just quickly though, it's ace.

Monday, 21 June 2010

RIP Frank Sidebottom....

Remote Control was my favourite but you did loads of genius stuff and were very funny. Bye, sniff.

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Tits, bikinis and fighting...WIN

The sequel to Bikini Karate Babes or some shit looks fucking amazing!

Behold the spectacle that is Warriors of Elysia. It manages to blend soft porn, fisticuffs and human trafficked eastern Europeans into a world of gaming goodness.

It's made even better by the sensitive way it handles racism and sexism without even needing to use those pesky word things.

Finish hand...or cleavage

Thursday, 29 April 2010

BlazBlue: Don't leave me

So, there's an amazing fighting game out at the moment and it's about to lose the majority of its online players. This is fucking tragic.

Blazblue is fucking great with sexy big-titted and women and cats that show you their pants when you kick them in the gob.

Love Blazblue, unless you play as squiggly, then you can fuck off to Capcom

If you are playing Blazblue don't just give up on it for Super SFIV this week. Keep that love going. It's worth it.

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Guru Dies: Am cry

It's such a sad day, man, the dude was a genius.

Still brilliant lyrics, and Premier's still with us.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Capcom Vs. SNK 3: WHAT?!?!?!?

HOOOOOOOOOLY FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. I can't believe it, I just can't...

Best news ever...

Given the date it's probably a fake. Little cheeky fuckers that they are...Oh well, back to dreaming (sigh)...

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Julie Peasgood in Violent Video Game Shocker: No not that Mars one.

Julie Peasgood's been involved in loads of violence based games. We just didn't know it.

Daft idiot

Check out this fucking work of genius:

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Alan Titchmarsh and Julie Peasgood on games

To be fair, it's been some while since we had a complete fucktard pipe up and start spouting bollocks about games.

This week there were three on The Alan Titchmarsh Show.

An arse and a girl's bum

One of the bile-spewing retards on the show was Julie Peasgood. She's "completely against violence as entertainment" dontchaknow?

People on the internet, after a bit of research, found out that she'd actually featured as an actress in a pretty violent game (for the time). So she's only against violence as entertainment when it's not lining her own pockets.

Don't worry I'll put the moral high-horse back in the stable.

I thought for a while about some violent video game concepts that they might not find too fucking mind-blowing.

I came up with these:

Ian Huntley Throat Slicer

You're a bit of a geezer, you're locked up in cell block D for nicking a car radio but it was an honest mistake guv. You've been doing your time quietly but now a new bloke's moved into your cell and he's giving you a right hard-time. Get some big time rep and stop him hassling you by putting an end to the vile nonce Huntley's life.

Use any items you can get your hands on to create a shiv. Real-time throat-cutting action using the Wii remote to hack away at the vile paedo's trachea.

Command and Conquer: Immigrants

Choose from one of five recently-added EU member states and deploy your surplus workforce to the UK. Tactically position your countrymen and use their special abilities to cunningly take jobs from the indiginous population by using their special "hard-work" and "resonable-pricing" superweapons.

Each nation has its very own superweapon and tactical approach. 2011 "Our Boys" Nick Griffin expansion pack coming soon.

The Sims: House Prices

Take control of the every-day people in your neighbourhood. Influence their behaviour, get them to doing crazy things to their homes and themselves. The Sims: House Prices lets you view the effect these wacky humans of all different races have on your house price, in real time.

Immidiate link-up to the land registry database to see how your next-door neighbour's house price has also been affected. The innovative "HELP" button imediately emails your MP wth your woes.

This all sort of reminds me about the Anne Diamond thing a while back too.

Friday, 19 February 2010

Avatar is shit. It really is.

Right, so after after everyone saying I should watch this, I finally gave in, and did. and you know what?

It's fucking useless.

Blobs of fanboy jizz float gracefully through the air

And before you ask I didn't watch this profound-as-a-puddle epic in 3D. It's like someone asking if you saw Amityville 3D or Jaws 3D. It begs the question why would you want an extra dimension of shitness?

You've probably all seen it by now so I'm not going to go into much detail but:

  • Blue people = Look plastic
  • Real actors = Are wooden
  • Special effects = Nearly as good as anything in real life
  • Plot = Makes Postman Pat look like The Godfather
  • Sigourney Weaver = Not good as a ginger
  • Marines = All a bit thick and homoerotic

Score 2/10

(would have been 1 if I'd seen it in 3d)

I called it on Titanic (which I still haven't seen) at the time and I'm calling it here. Just you look back in a few years.

Alarm's ringing. It won't stop....

Wuh...what?? Oh where was I?