Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Anne Fucking Diamond...Jesus wept, and then coughed up a lung

Well fuck me...games are going to cause all our kids to kill each other. Watch out society's falling apart.

Well not really, but someone completely unqualified has decided to have a stab at games journalism. So I'm going to have a completely unqualified stab at journalism critique. Oh, and you get to read Anne's fantastic comments too.

£10 quid to anyone who reads, £20 quid goes to whoever can find out if Anne plays with inverted controls or not.



Scarface

"Mindless garbage" inspired by an Oscar nomiated classic? Fuck you Anne Diamond. My mate went to school with your nephew. Apparently, he was boring. And a cunt.

Jounalism score: 1/10 - Use of "mindless garbage" too cliched. Must try harder.


Resident Evil 4

Violence? Bad for you? Faced with a whole load of Zombies what would you do. Make them a cup of fucking tea?

Jounalism score: 1/10 - makes a lazy assumption that torture is ghastly - do some fucking research. It's ace, just ask the majority shoreholder of your publication.




Call of Duty 4

I haven't played this game but it's pretty clear that neither has Anne. Either way - dogs getting their necks wrung sounds well...cool?

Jounalism score: 1/10 - OK for older teenage boys? Fucking sexist. Fucking ageist. P45 at any decent paper.




Halo 3


Landed at Christmas did it? Fall off Santa's fucking sleigh did it? Perhaps it was just bought in a shop like the bloody Xbox, moron.


Jounalism score: 0/10 - "My sons reckon". What about your fucking opinion. That is what you're getting paid for isn't it?





Jericho


"Playing on your fear of the dark". How fucking old are you, 8? NEWS UPDATE: Anne Diamond is still scared of the dark.

Jounalism score: 0/10 - "I stopped playing when I was set on fire". How can you form a decent opinion of the game if you don't play it all the way through. The rest of game is full of fluffy Kittens Anne. It's just a bit hard going at the beginning.




Dead or Alive 4

What's not to like about machismo, bravado and gravity defying tits?

Jounalism score: -5/10 - At least get the title of the fucking game right.

All in all Anne Diamonds a pretty shit video game journalist. Perhaps she should go to work for Edge.

Or Games TM.

2 comments:

Dr Hamhock MD said...

More of this please. Top stuff.

Less of the nipple updates.

More of the Ikaruga Wednesdays too. Top stuff.

The Idiot said...

Ok Ok...I'll concede, just this once, mind.

Liking your stuff too. Link get!